Rebirth and Affliction Sneak Peek

A small teaser of Chapter 10 - Scent:

I wasn't certain exactly how long I was sitting on the floor of the cabin completely unmoving, but I knew hours had to have passed as I sat there. I could have kept time if I'd truly wanted to, but the thing was that I didn't want to. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd ever feel like doing anything again. After realizing that there was nothing left to hold onto or to hope for I honestly felt like the whole world could have caught on fire and I wouldn't have noticed it. I'd thought I'd known what it meant to be hopeless before, but I hadn't had a clue.

I'd never felt more hopeless than I currently did. There was just nothing left to fight for and no reason to even try. I knew if anyone could hear those thoughts they'd probably state how pitiful that sounded – how there were things other than loving someone that were worth fighting for even... but the thing was that I no longer had anything. Everyone from my human life believed I was dead, the woman I loved had moved on, the Cullens – the family I'd truly thought I belonged to, even if only on the fringes – had replaced me, and I knew Jules would be better off without me in her life. It left me with nothing, because I couldn't eve live for the blood. My time in Europe had taught me that.

A Black Decision Banner

No official update to the serial today, but I thought I'd post the banner that I made for the missing moment.

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

A Black Decision

~Part XII~

"What?" he asked as he looked at me suddenly.

"Do you think it would be easier for Sam to kill you than me? We both know you, we have both humanized you... the rest of the Cullens too, to some extent."

"Then I'll leave."

"You should leave and go home. But you won't. Because if you had any intention of going back to them, you'd already be there and not here. The question is why. I've spent enough time with them in the last weeks that I know they'd forgive you for killing a few humans. So what else did you do while you were gone?" I had to ask, because I knew Beau, and it wasn't the death of four humans that had driven him here. It was something else.

He opened his mouth but shut it a moment later as he looked away again.

Interesting. And by that I meant disturbing as hell. "You aren't going to tell me, are you?"

He shook his head fiercely.

"Whatever you did, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. If I, a shape-shifter who values all human life – even when they are creeps – can forgive you for running off for a few weeks and just being a normal vampire, then they can forgive you for whatever you think you did."

Or it was so bad he knew that if he actually said it that I'd be forced to kill him and he truly didn't want to die. I didn't know which idea made me want to throw up more.

When he didn't reply, I sighed. "Come on... Stay the day with me."

I stepped forward, once again taking his hands.

To be continued...

A Quick Notice To My Readers

I am going to try to get Chapter 10 of Rebirth and Affliction done over the course of the next day, but if I don't get it done then it will probably be the first of October or later before it gets posted. The reason for this is though I try to keep my work and personal life from affecting my posting schedule as much as possible, I do have both. So with that being said there are things happening this weekend for me that have to do with both.

On top of that, I am currently dealing with a huge amount of muse hate, which is my way of saying I'm having a difficult time writing.

On the note of muses, if anyone can think of a relatively modern fiction that has muses in it, please let me know by commenting on this post, and if I don't post on any of my stories for a few days then please know I'll be active again soon.

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

A Black Decision

~Part XI~

"Julie, you don't want to know that kind of info." His voice practically begged me to drop it, but should have known I wasn't going to.

I glowered at him. "You're right, I don't, but you came here because you wanted me to kill you. So tell me why. Make me believe that you truly are nothing but a monster now. Mind you, monsters don't have consciences." It was the exact opposite of what I wanted him to do, of course.

"I was here for Sam. I didn't want you involved."

He really expected me to believe that?

"If that was true you would have gone to Elliott's place, or at the very least you would have tracked down one of her pack. You told Quilla though. You knew you'd get me."

"No, I just –"

I cut him off, my voice half of a snarl. "Yes, you did. I'd ask if this was about Edythe, except I've been at the Cullens every single day and know she's been worried sick about you."

"Why have you been there every day?" he asked in confusion.

"At first, because I was worried when you didn't show up the way I expected you too. Also though, you may have decided to flee the area, but we still have Victor to deal with on our end. Now tell me what happened."

He turned away from me, facing in a direction opposite of myself. It was a bad habit of his that I was relatively certain he'd picked up from me. "I've killed four people since I went with Archie to Italy. The first was there, in Volterra. They weren't going to let us leave unless I proved myself to them. Honestly, of the four, she's the only one I regret killing. She was an innocent woman and didn't deserve to die like that. The other three... The first was a drug dealer, and the other two... Well, they weren't nice people."

I tilted my head to side, needing more information. "And how do you know they weren't?"

"The way they smelled was malicious. I may not be able to sense emotions like Jessamine can or read minds like Edythe, but I still have my nose. I don't know what they liked to do. I don't know if they were wife-beaters, thieves, rapists, murderers... my sense of smell couldn't tell me that. I suppose it's even possible that they never did anything and just had those types of thoughts all the time." He paused briefly. "I suppose they could have even been coroners that just really enjoyed their jobs. I don't know. I actually don't want to know."

I really wanted to cross my arms over my chest in a show of displeasure, too bad they were already there. "Because then you'd humanize your victims and you don't want to do that."

To be continued...

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

A Black Decision

~Part X~

What I found at the border made me close my eyes for a moment. Beau was kneeling with head bowed and his eyes closed in supplicant compliance. I wanted to scream at him to get the hell up. I didn't. 

Instead I took a calming breath and continued my walk until I was standing directly in front of him.

"No," I said firmly. Angrily. 

He opened his eyes, staring up at me with blood red irises. I could see the plea in his eyes for something I was unwilling to give him. I wouldn't do it. I couldn't.

I reached down, taking his hands and pulling on them hard. It took him a moment, but he finally stood up.

It didn't make the plea go away from his eyes. 

So I said it again. Just to make sure he understood. "No." My voice even more adamant this time.

Then I pulled him forward, stepping backwards so he could join me on my side of the old border.

"It won't happen, Beau. So forget it."

"Julie..." He shook his head, the movement frustrated. "Do you not see my eyes?"

They'd be impossible for me to not see. "Yes, I do."

"Then you know what that means, and you already told me once that I wasn't a monster because I'd never killed someone. Obviously, that has changed."

"I also told you we'd reevaluate if you ever made a mistake. I didn't tell you that I'd condemn you to death for it," I snapped, starting to get seriously pissed off at my friend.

"It wasn't some accidental slip-up, Jules," he said it softly, a dangerously cold note to his voice that I'd never heard before.

I looked at him in suspicion. I let go of his hands and crossed my arms over my chest as I moved over to lean against a nearby tree. "Okay, why did you do it then?"

I silently begged to whatever god was out there that he wasn't going to say something that would make me have to kill him.

To be continued...

Who are The Brotherhood?

So, since my writing is fanfiction, I - like most writers - occasionally like to add my own spin.

In this case, it's one of the oldest spins I ever embraced. My first published fanfic was Five Years Later. It is no longer posted. It wasn't, however, the first piece of work I started writing. The piece of work I first started writing was called Alice, which was supposed to be Alice's full story, from her time in the asylum, to waking up as a vampire, to meeting Jasper, up through the entire Twilight saga and beyond. 

Very early in this story, I introduced John, the doctor in the asylum that turned Alice. In spite of the fact that John was killed very early in the story, I wanted to know his story. 

His story took effect in a spin-off from Alice called Angel's Sisterhood. It was about a group of nine women that had been turned over the last five to six hundred years. All of them saved by John. Angel was the nickname they gave John. 

Very little is actually known about the person who turned Alice, as per the Twilight Saga. The only things that are mentioned is that he was an unnamed staff member who befriended Alice. And that James referred to him as being old. When it comes to vampires, there are two types of old. They either look old - as in they were changed late in life - or they've been a vampire for a very long time.

I've always seen James as being relatively smart, in spite of his ego getting him killed. So that leads me to believe the meaning would be the latter.

I know that since I originally wrote that work, there have been two fan-made movies that were featured in Storytellers that showed the person who turned her as being the groundskeeper and at least one named him as Kumboh. These were fan-made though, so officially we still don't know anything about the person who made her. There are many reasons why the groundskeeper wouldn't make sense in my mind... I could write an entire segment on it. I won't.

But after I started writing this spin-off, Angel's Sisterhood, they made appearances in almost all of my longer fanfictions. 

Since Life and Death and the continuation I'm writing are Gender-Swaps to the original Twilight Saga. In my mind, I saw John's mate - who had originally died over seventeen hundred years ago in Angel's Sisterhood - Cerulean as being the one that survived instead of John. The Brotherhood would therefore be the men she turned and saved. 

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

A Black Decision

~Part IX~

"My whole body aches," Colette said.

I flinched, but said softly, "It's your body preparing for the change to shifter, Cole."

She'd seen me turn when I'd jumped in to save her life from Victor, so she knew what I was already, and in the last three weeks she'd shot up over a foot in height. It didn't look right on my thirteen year old cousin. She still looked like a kid, except now she looked like an extremely tall awkward kid, but I prepared her for what was coming anyway, knowing that she deserved to know. 

"And I can choose your pack or Sam's, correct?" 

"Yes."

Just then there was ruckus in the nearby trees and I turned to check, surprised to see Quilla half tumble out of the trees a moment later, still yanking her shirt into place. 

"Quilla, what's going on?"

"Beau's at the old border." 

I blinked in shock. "Why?"

"I..." She bit her lip. "He asked for Samantha. I was halfway to finding her when I thought about how pissed off you'd be if I actually did that. I think you need to go get him before Paula or Jaelyn see him."

"Why did he want Samantha?" I could think of exactly one reason why he'd wait at the old border and ask for her, and I needed to know if I was correct or not. 

"I don't know but... his eyes are red." She shrugged. 

I opened my mouth, about to say a very nasty word before I remember my thirteen year old cousin. I closed my mouth. "Why don't you tell Colette what you like about being a shifter. I'll go deal with it."

"Err... sure." Quilla agreed. 

I stomped past her into the forest before I started to run. She hadn't told me exactly where Beau was waiting at, but I could take a guess. Some people were predictable. And since the first time he'd crossed to meet me that day when I originally shifted, he always crossed at that same spot. As I neared the spot, I slowed to a walk, smelling him from the wind. 

To be continued...

Posting Scheduling Stuffs

Schedule Stuffs

So, I currently have six active/(semi-active) projects/stories and a seventh sitting on the sidelines in my mind that is buzzing around and being all kinds of annoying.

Those active projects are:

1. My Life and Death Continuation. It includes a total of three full length stories, a slew of Missing Moments, Lost Moments, Alternate Realities, and Inspired Shorts. Most often the posts are every few days.

2. The Differences Between Fantasy and Reality. As of this time it is only going to be a singular, exceedingly long, book. Though there may be a sequel or shorts for it eventually. Generally posts are every few days

3. It's A Twin Thing. This book is a fantasy based story with heavy basing in folklore and myths. Length and if it will be only one book or more is, as of yet, undetermined. Posts are generally every few weeks.

4. The Emotional Roller Coaster Of Life. This is my only All Human fic. It is a drabble fic, which means the chapters are short. And while I personally see it as a palette cleanser from everything else I write. It deals with heavy topics. Posting is usually daily.

5. RR. My current New Moon AU which shows a world where Edward never came back and Bella has become a true adrenaline junkie to the point where it very well might kill her. Posts are exclusively on Ao3 and should be weekly.

6. Post BD project. This project is my long game. I have ten one-shots planned with four so far posted showing the development of Renesmee's and the Cullens' future. After they're completed, I intend to write at least one story. One-shots are posted as inspiration strikes.

_____________________________

Possible Numero 7. It will be a Crossover Fic featuring either the Descendants and Twilight or Harry Potter. Currently it is just buzzing in the back of my mind. I don't know if I will follow through or not.

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

A Black Decision

~Part VIII~

In the three weeks that followed, I found a kinship with the Cullens I hadn't expected. Each and every one of them had a unique personality and an intriguing view of life.

Carine was a brilliant doctor with an expertise that one could only truly gain by being over three hundred years old. She showed me the paintings of her history. I'd been especially intrigued by the painting of her with the ones called the Volturi - I'd decided that they didn't really look like all that. I could take them... one at a time.

It was hard, almost impossible actually, to be near Earnest for any length of time and not miss my dad, George. He just had that kind of loving, devoted, and compassionate attitude that made me think of my father. It made it impossible for me to hate him.

It was possible that I liked Eleanor the most of all of them. She was, without a doubt, a giant, cuddly, grizzly bear. She'd managed to break my ribs both times she'd decided to hug me, for no apparent reason. She liked football, baseball, basketball, and whatever other sport she could find on their tv with fifteen hundred channels of nothing - her words, not mine. In spite of being a vampire that had slipped up more times than I'd wanted to hear - though she'd told me freely, laughing like I'd said the world's greatest joke when I had grimaced at what she told me - she was free and easy going. She enjoyed life just for the sake of living.

The deep contrast to her was Royal - in spite of them being very much in love, mates even. Where Eleanor was happy, Royal was bitter. Where Eleanor was carefree, Royal was reserved. But Royal was also honest, blunt, and ultimately unconcerned with what anyone else thought about him. It was impossible for me not to like him, even as I totally got why Beau and him didn't get a long.

Archie varied between being constantly near me when I was there and completely gone. When I'd asked him what his deal was, he said I was the greatest mute button he'd ever met. I'd arched my eyebrow at that, but had ultimately let it slide. When a box filled with more brand new clothes than I'd ever seen before was randomly delivered to my house I hadn't needed anyone to tell me exactly who was responsible. I'd never met a guy - at least one that wasn't gay - that enjoyed fashion as much as Archie did.

Jessamine was the only one that I learned next to nothing about. She kept her distance from me, only asking questions or talking to me when she had something important to add. Still... if I didn't pay too much attention to the hundreds of scars that littered her body... I liked her.

In fact, I got along with all of them, even Edythe... something that seriously bugged me. Still, as the month was approaching it's end, I noticed that Edythe didn't look like she was going to chase Beau - and that fact pissed me off.

Then, twenty-three days after I'd told Edythe that either she followed out in a month or I would, everything changed...

To be continued...

It's A Twin Thing Sneak Peek

A teaser of Chapter 3 - The Mystery of Unicorns:

I didn't need to go to orientation, there was nothing that a tour guide could tell me about Cornell University that I didn't already know. Just like there wasn't a subject I could take that I wasn't already familiar with.

We'd already been in Ithaca for four long years, and at this point I was almost wanting Jasper or Emmett to slip up so we could move on already. I knew how bad that sounded, but I was bored – and the truth was... I was bored with more than just this town. I tried to keep everything carefully concealed, as the last thing I wanted for my parents to realize was just how tired of this non-life I really was.

I knew they all liked it here, that the weather was cloudy often enough that we could go outside in the day without raising any suspicion; that there was the world of fashion at Alice's finger tips, cars of all designs at Rosalie's, the enriched studies that Jasper liked to take so much, a well staffed hospital with high tech for Carlisle, beautiful old houses for Esme to work on, and sports galore for Emmett to enjoy... There was something that just brought out a spark in each one of my family members in this town and this state. Everyone except me, that was.

And I knew, because I could read all of their thoughts, that Jasper could feel my ever growing discontent, and Alice sometimes would get a vision of me leaving my family. Just as I knew Carlisle and Esme had both caught onto how tired I was of just existing. Even Rosalie and Emmett had noticed to some extent. All, in spite of my best efforts to hide it. But, even though they all knew, they all ignored. It was easier, even in a family with no secrets, to pretend that we were all content in our existence.

Rebirth and Affliction Mystery Car

In chapter 9 of Rebirth and Affliction we got a very brief showing of the vampire named Magnus, and while I don't have a picture of him, I wanted to show the car he was driving.

This is a Koenigsegg CCX

For anyone looking for an update of A Black Decision, I do believe that I am taking a very brief one day break from posting on that serial.

The Differences Between Fantasy and Reality Sneak Peek

A teaser of Chapter 23 - Angel:


“Alice,” I moaned.

There was a quiet buzz – some part of me filled in that it was the sound of someone on another end of a phone.

 “How?” Edward asked.

 There was more of the incessant buzzing.

 “Will that even work?” Alice’s voice was strained all of a sudden.

 Another brief buzzing.

 “Carlisle, I...” Edward hesitated. “I don’t think I can do that.” There was agony in his beautiful voice again. “Alice –”

“Don't even consider asking me that question.” Alice snarled the words as she cut him off point blank. “I'm barely controlling myself as it is, and you know I want her as my sister. You should let the change happen.”

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

A Black Decision

~Part VII~

I grumbled one of my mother's favorite sayings in Quileute about eating one's own shorts. It appeared I'd have to be the adult and steer the conversation back on course. I wondered if my mom would be proud of me... or not. I was getting good at my position as alpha and chief leader... sadly I only seemed to be able to pull it off when dealing with shifter and vampire miscreants.

Edythe's lips twitched again.

"The fight Beau had with Victor and killed the Immortal Child was in this clearing." I pointed to it, trying to blatantly ignore the feeling of the ice cold bodies on either side of me. "Beau told me once that you called that place a baseball field."

Edythe looked at the map. "Yes, we played there when he watched one time - just before he was turned, in fact."

"So based on the different points that we've spotted and dealt with him, there doesn't really seem to be any central base. The points aren't any kind of uniform shape and they don't really have any one clear intersecting point that might be the eye of the situational storm."

Edythe arched an eyebrow at me and I blushed, praying to myself that she couldn't tell.

"What? I like CSI," I muttered under my breath, ducking my head.

"So where do we go from here, if we're going to work together?" It was Jessamine that asked.

"We can patrol Forks and La Push in pairs or trios. Embrianna and I are both already used to patrolling with Beau, so it won't be that hard for either of us to work with one of you. Quilla's never patrolled with Beau, but she was looking forward to it. It won't be hard to get her or Sarah on board to the idea." Now Lee on the other hand...

"And what about your male wolf, Lee?" Edythe asked, reading my mind again.

"He patrols alone. Or with me. No one else." The twelve hours it had taken for Embrianna to heal from the broken spinal he'd given her had taught me that one. "He's..." I looked for a nice way to say it, but finally just said, "Volatile."

"I can see that," Edythe murmured.

I grimaced. Just then the grandfather clock in their house rang out seven o'clock.

"Crap," I muttered, then spoke louder, "I have to go. My mom wants to go to Charlie's place today."

I spun and took off out the door before anyone could reply, but saw Edythe's raised eyebrow out of the corner of my eye.

To be continued...

Death and Rebirth Lost Moment

Did you ever what happened when Beau went to Seattle to rent that box for the season for his dad? This is just a little glimpse at what happened while he was in Seattle, but I thought I'd share.

A Trip to Seattle

The woman in front of me, sitting at the desk in the stadium's office, looked down at her paper with a small smile that looked positively patronizing before she looked back up at me.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I don't think you understand how much it costs to rent a luxury box for an entire -"

"I assure that I'm aware of exactly how much it costs," I said, cutting the woman off. In all honesty, if all humans were this derisive to the Cullens then why did they let anyone live? If it weren't for the fact that both Julie and Embrianna would be quite put out if I returned to Forks with red eyes... well, let's just say it was tempting. 

"Then you must be aware that it is out of a -" she looked me up and down as if verifying an assessment she'd made when I first walked up to her "- a child's budget, such as yourself."

Yeah, that killing my first human vibe was getting stronger by the minute. I pulled the check out of my pocket that I'd written that very morning - along with the card I'd stopped at the bank and gotten from a personal banker - because I'd expected this.

"Go ahead and call the number on the card. He'll confirm that the check will most definitely clear my bank account."

She looked down at the check and her eyes widened slightly at the number on the check, before grabbing the phone off the desk and dialing the number on the small business card. 

Rebirth and Affliction Lost Moment

Someone Else's Tale

I groaned softly, the kick to my abdomen a sharp reminder of why I shouldn't be running. But I would die before I let myself be captured... again. 

I'd had plans - before a small chance of fate had allowed me to escape - to kill both myself and my unborn child. 

In spite of my immortal status... it was possible. There were ways for beings such as myself to die. In fact even as I ran with a destination of safety in mind, I was dying. The child I was carrying was killing me. Of course, that was the price for having his child. He was the oldest of our kind, and it was considered an honor to be mated by him, but the truth was that the blood of our species had been diluted over the generations... And I was over thirty generations removed from him.

When I'd gotten pregnant, more than five months ago, I'd known it was a death sentence. But still... for the first couple of months, I'd tried. I'd hunted in a religious way, eating the raw organs that would keep me the most healthy. But then I'd been captured. 

And for over three months I'd been imprisoned. I'd prepared to end my own my life in order to keep them from getting their hands on my child... Then a miracle had happened, there'd been an upset in the castle above the catacombs which I'd been locked in. It had caused the one guarding me to check on what was going on. I'd escaped the instant their heads were turned - and I wouldn't go back, no matter what. 

I ran even harder. If I could just make it to Siberia, I'd be safe. 

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

A Black Decision

~Part VI~

"I didn't know!" Archie's eyes were wide. 

Jessamine was at his side before I could demand to know what was being unsaid. She placed herself as a protective barrier between Archie and Edythe - which put her in direct line with my sight. I'd seen Jessamine before, of course, in the minds of others and just two days ago when I'd come to give them more freedom, but I'd never before focused on her.

I stepped back involuntarily as the hundreds - if not thousands - of criss-crossing crescent shaped scars came into focus in my mind. They not only covered her arms and hands but ran up her neck, and I was sure, if she removed her shirt, they likely covered her entire body.  They even ravaged her face. I swallowed. I recognized the style of scar well. After all, Beau had three of them. 

How did anybody survive that?

Jessamine smiled wryly, probably at both my visible reaction and the emotions I was sure I was throwing out.

I shook my head. I couldn't help but wonder, were there scars down - 

"Yes," Edythe said, looking at me and cutting me off mid-thought.

My eyes widened infinitesimally. That... had to hurt. 

Edythe turn her attention back to Jessamine and Archie. "I wasn't going to hurt him."

"I never know when it comes to anything involving Beau. I swear the way your emotions jump all over the place, I'd think you were the newborn, not him."

Edythe crossed her arms over her chest, looking wholly unimpressed by Jessamine's assessment of her emotional state. "Tell me, Jess. How would you feel if I knew all these potentially dangerous secrets about your mate, and I chose not to warn you. How would you feel?"

"I don't know that the one with the purple hair was a danger... to him," Archie said.

Edythe narrowed her eyes.

"I saw maybe a half second vision of you and Beau together, and someone with purple hair. I didn't even know if the person was a guy or a girl, Edythe. Let alone if it was a vampire, werewolf, or what. But it looked like you had been bit. Not Beau. You. I added it in my note to him because he was going to be there at the same time as you and I didn't see myself there. That was all."

Edythe closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

I didn't need to read her thoughts to guess that she was wishing for patience.

Her lips twitched. 

To be continued...

Future Missing Moments and Alternate Routes of Rebirth and Affliction

As with Death and Rebirth, there will be Missing Moments and Alternate Routes that are written for Rebirth and Affliction. Though there may be some that I don't have listed below yet, either because the title would be to revealing at this stage, or because I haven't decided on them yet, the ones I do know are below.

Missing Moments:

• A Black Decision - A Julie Black Story (Rebirth and Affliction Prequel) || Currently being posted as a serial exclusive on the blog.
• Losing Grip - A Weber Family Story (Rebirth and Affliction Prequel)
• The Black Months - A Julie Black Missing Moment
• Hope and a Prayer - A Charlie Swan Missing Moment
• A Choice - A Bonnie Black Missing Moment
• Another Chance - An Edythe Cullen Missing Moment
• The Wishing Well - A Brandy Fuller/Keirnan Wells Missing Moment
• An Escapee's Future - A Freya Missing Moment 

Possible Novella entitled: The Unfortunate End of Bradley Tanner 

Alternate Routes:

• Forever Protector
• A Different Army

Rebirth and Affliction Sneak Peek

A teaser of Chapter 9 - Target:

Kirill had asked me, in a subtle way, if what he believed I did had actually been for revenge... At the time I'd told him that wasn't it, that it couldn't be. But what if I was wrong? Was the real reason that I'd sought them out and helped to design and implement a plan that not only tortured and killed a vampire that was close to two millennia old, but also destroyed a man's life, been because I'd wanted revenge for them threatening Edythe and Archie? Had what I really been after was payback for Alec psychologically torturing my mate? If I had been, did it make it more acceptable?

 I shook my head, not knowing the answers to the questions in my head. Then looked down and immediately deleted two lines of code that I'd typed incorrectly in my distracted state.

“Perfect, Beau, you keep doing that kind of stuff and you'll be getting a one way ticket to prison,” I muttered to myself under my breath.

But even castigating aloud didn't help me to keep my attention for long as my mind to spun another conversation.

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

A Black Decision

~Part V~

Once I was dressed, I stepped back out of the forest and discovered Edythe was missing but the sliding glass back door was left open.

"Well that's an invitation if I've ever seen one," I muttered under my breath before heading to the door and going inside.

"It was, and it's not like you haven't been in this house before," Edythe said.

"Yeah, we're still trying to get the dog stench out," the big female said, though her voice sounded joking. I was pretty sure her name was Eleanor.

"Yes, that's Eleanor," Edythe said, responding to my thoughts. She pointed to the older couple near the kitchen - I recognized the woman as Carine from the others' memories. "Our parents, Carine and Earnest."

"I don't need a by name introduction," I grumbled.

"Would you rather call us bloodsucker 1, 2, 3, etc?"

I opened my mouth to reply, but she cut me off.

"Don't answer that."

I smirked slightly.

"Archie and Jessamine are upstairs and Royal is in the garage."

"Okay, you've done your obligatory introductions. Now, to answer your question, do you have a map of the area?"

The little one, Archie - I rolled my eyes internally as I named him in my head - practically flew down the stairs with a map of Washington in his hands. He took it over to the kitchen counter and spread it out.

I walked over to it. "These are the spots where we know Victor has attacked someone." I pointed to the different spots, starting with the first one and ending with the last attack that I'd been there for. "Here is where Jana Fuller was killed." I pointed to first beach. "We suspect it was by the vampire that Victor created, Raven Biers. Sadly we're not sure as we have been unable to verify the description with pictures that we saw in her grandparents house."

"What do you mean?"

"An elder of the tribe saw the vampire just as she dived into the water. Our elder swears that the vampire that disappeared had short and stark violet hair. Nothing we've seen conforms to that. Raven was a dirty blond per the pictures we found."

"Well if she was turned with her hair dyed... it's possible it's still that color. Or she could have dyed it after she was turned for that matter," Edythe said, distracted. Suddenly her eyes flicked to Archie. "What was that?"

To be continued...

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

A Black Decision

~Part IV~

Don't you know him at all? I demanded mentally. 

"Of course I know him. I know him better than you, Jules." She was angry.

I didn't care, I was angrier. If you know him so well than why aren't you chasing him. When he says he doesn't want to be followed that means he needs it. 

"He's going to come back on his own. He doesn't need it."

I shook my head because she was wrong. Beau was a runner. I'd watched him do it often enough to know it was the truth, and I was familiar with the trait. I had two older brothers that were both runners. They'd both taken off the instant they could after the going got tough. But... I'll give him a month to get back here. And if he hasn't returned at that point and you aren't following him by then, I will. 

A month. Because there was a chance - a slim one, but still a chance - that Beau actually needed this time to himself. But if he wasn't back in a month then it was because he was running simply to run.

She hissed at me. "He can take however long he needs. You don't understand vampires."

I don't need to understand vampires. I understand Beau. Do you?

She crouched like she was intending to pounce on me, but I snorted derisively, because she wouldn't really attack me if she truly cared about him. Just like I wouldn't attack her. 

One month and you follow. Or I will. Your choice. I turned on my heel to leave, trotting away quickly.

I was almost in the forest when she spoke again.

"Wait. About Victor, do you have any idea where he's at?" 

Why do you want to know? I didn't turn to look at her. 

"Victor needs to die. And if he's dead before Beau gets back, then all the better."

I remembered what had happened to Kelly again. On that, you and I agree. Let me shift to human. 

I jogged the rest of the way into the cover of the forest.

To be continued...

The Emotional Roller Coaster Of Life Inspiration

So where'd I come up with the idea of The Emotional Roller Coaster Of Life, or TERCL (as I sometimes abbreviate it to myself)? There are many parts to this story that have extremely rough basings on my history and history of my family. But they are also inspired by the Twilight Saga.

The nine primary characters, while all very OOC when compared to the Twilight Saga on the outside when looking at an in depth look aren't.

In Twilight, Bella was in love with both Edward and Jacob and was more of an optimist than a pessimist. This Bella is very similar. She is in love with both and is ultimately undecided about who she belongs with. But, unlike Twilight Bella, her life has been a little harder, because her mom ran off when she was pregnant with her and Bella spent the first nine years of her life only with her crack addict mother.

Jacob was always in love with Bella until late in Breaking Dawn when he imprinted on her daughter, but there was a moment in the chapter's from Jacob's POV where it almost felt like the story could go in a Jacob/Leah direction. If that had happened, it would have been very slow to occur. Eventually, Seth, Quil and Embry were all members of his pack. Also, Jacob had a temper. So in TERCL, he still has that temper, and he loves both Bella and Leah, while Seth, Quil and Embry are all his little brothers.

The biggest things for actually both Edward and Alice are this love for their family and their supernatural gifts. So to bring that forward in my story, I wanted them to be part of a family unit, to be close, which is why their twins. There's no supernatural in this story, but how could bring forward things like hearing voices, being in a realm outside yourself, etc... that is part of what brought me to the decision to make it so they both have a history of abuse and their choice of coping mechanisms.

As for Rosalie, in the Twilight Saga, one of her biggest regrets was not being human, because she wanted the ideal life that women in the early 1900s, she wanted the perfect husband, the kids, the white picket fence. At the time periods she was human, those were driving desires for a lot woman. In my story, she is still driven, but it's by the things that a lot of this time period want. She wants a successful fortune five-hundred business, wants the solid future, wants to never need for anything.

Emmett has often been considered as being bear-like and being protective. He's also a bit of a joker and very sexual. So here you have Emmett as a cop, the chief of police actually, and he takes his job seriously, but he's often seen as a joker. He's a typical lady's man. He likes sex and he's not all that particular about who he gets it from. That will change as the story develops.

Then there's Jasper. He was always one of the most serious characters in the books, had a history with war and always seemed a little on the fringe. But he was madly in love with Alice. In this book, she is still his whole world, he's still too serious, still has a history with war.

Leah and Seth round out my major character, but they were relatively minor in the Twilight Saga. In the saga they were siblings and Leah had a history of being in love with a man she'd never be able to truly have, while Seth was younger, a little too innocent with an issue of hero worship for not only Edward, but Jacob as well. In this book, some of that is apparent, Leah is in love with a man who's married to another woman, and she thinks of Seth as a crutch more than anything else. While Seth still looks up to Jake, his brother, in matter of fact, he looks up to his so much that he aspires to be him.

So that rounds the main characters out. This story, as a whole, is going to be very angsty and not everyone will get a Happily Ever After, though most will. This is a story that brings a lot supernatural characters and humanizes them, gives them human issues, with ultimately human resolutions. For those that are reading this... be prepared for difficult journey.

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

A Black Decision

~ Part III~

I shook my head. In spite of what I'd just thought, I couldn't believe it. He wouldn't kill a human.

"He didn't have a choice. The Volturi, our rulers, wanted proof that he was willing to do what was necessary. We wouldn't have made it out alive if he hadn't done it."

I got it instantly. Of course, saving your life would be the one thing that would send him that way.

She looked away, telling me that I was on the nose before she looked at me again. "He is and we are -" she waved her hand behind her at the house "- vampires, Jules. We are all capable of it. I know you know that."

Yes, he is physically capable of it, but it isn't who he is. I lifted my lip a little as I made my next comment. None of you are like that. 

"We aren't, but I'm surprised you see it that way."

I remembered Beau stopping mid attack as we'd been practicing fighting, remembered him distracting Victor so he wouldn't kill Jaelyn, and I remembered my conversation with Archie. I am not my ancestors. I am willing to learn, to grow to something than more than pure instinct. Besides, I have seen real evil. I remembered as Victor came out of the water and attacked Kelly, remembered the sound of her neck being snapped, remembered as his eyes turned towards Colette, and I remembered my stark fear as I worried I wouldn't reach them in time to save my cousin. You, whatever all of you are... you aren't that. I know the difference.

She looked at me with eyes - too humane and sad to being the cold blooded monster that our legends claimed.

Why didn't you chase Beau when he left? I thought before she could speak.

"He asked me not to."

She said it like it was the most obvious reasoning in the world, but I shook my head.

To be continued...

Story Recs

These Recs are freely given without any kind of offer or suggestion from the authors of them. Some are older stories, some are new. They are for a multitude of fanfics and, as I'm not good at writing personalized reviews, the summaries are directly from the stories in question.

 All stories in this post are on FF.net, so if any of the authors that I rec'd are for some reason upset by it and want me to remove their story then please let me know via a pm on FF.net and I'll remove it - but as it's free publicity, I don't know why someone would take issue with it.

 Wolves of the Pacific by greenpeach20 - In 1902, Renesmee Cullen grew tired of the tedious life of moving around with her family and decided to make the journey west as a mail order bride. Yet a chance encounter with a reddish brown wolf would change her life forever.

 Silver Sun by PsychoBeachGirl88 - *Twilight/Blood & Chocolate crossover* Stricken with guilt by Aiden's death, Vivian runs away to Forks,Washington to start a new life & meets some interesting new people.Will she be able to forgive herself? Will she find love again? Edward/Vivian

 Full Moon Rising by goldentemptress - 10 years post B.D., Jacob and Nessie are finally able to live somewhat normal lives, will she choose to spend her life with him, or will someone or something else get in her way? Rated M for violence, language & sexuality in later chapters,***ON HIATUS**

 When Darkness Turns to Light by Janna Banana - 4 years after Edward left Bella in the forest; Bella is finally moving forward, but it is someone from her past that helps her truly heal and obtain the future she was always meant to have. Bella and Jasper Fanfic.

 The Sky Is Painted With Red by IsisIvy - Seven billion people live on Earth. Only a small percentage know of the darkness beneath them. Those people are known as Human Donors. My name is Bella Swan, and I am a human donor. ExB, Vampward, short chaps w/ frequent updates, M for usual.

 Daybreak: Her Side Of The Story by WinterSunshine - "In that moment, something shifted inside me, not in a physiological way, but on a much, much deeper level. In this moment, I was forever changed, by the seemingly simple human boy sleeping in the bed across the room from me." [Life and Death/Midnight Sun, from Edythe's POV/perspective.] Canon pairings, etc, etc.

 All Of Me by TwilightCakes - Brady is the pack's most volatile wolf and loves to be one thing: an asshole. But when he meets and imprints on Lexi, his life is in for some major twists he didn't plan. Can he change who he is to be what she needs? Sequel to 'Love This Pain'.

 Fated to be Related by orchidluv - Excited to move in with her father after not seeing him since she was 14, Bella is filled with determination. My take on a little incestuous love. Please be advised! Rated M for a reason. Please do not read if you are uncomfortable, dislike this pairing, or have triggers!

 Shadow in the Starlight by A-book-geek - Voldemort has been defeated, but she lost almost everything along with her love. A revelation is made which leads her to America, Mystic Falls. She doesn't know that she would find a whole new world of secrets, danger, family and a love that will consume her! Fem!Harry Potter/Damon Salvatore pairing. Soulmates.

 The Fallen God by A-book-geek - A short story about how Cassandra Potter met her soulmate Thor Odinson and they fell in love. It's just the beginning!

 --------------

 Stuff by Family:

 My brother - The Future: New Beginning by Jacque of Twilight - Set after the end of The Return: Unmasked. Elena finally decides to take the final plunge and start her future at long last. Rated M for safety.

 My late sister - Well Hell by Tish Lian Smith - Leah as a werewolf at twenty-five. Sam has now quit the pack, Jake's eyes are only for Renesmee, but Leah now has emotions toward one of the other young wolves. This is the prank that the other wolves pull on Leah and the youngest member, Cal.

Rebirth and Affliction Sneak Peek

A second teaser of Chapter 8 - Temper (this chapter is being very stubborn in the writing, but I'm working on it):

"Even if he did,” Quilla said as she squatted in front of us. “No one would believe him. He's at that age where he spouts all kinds of crazy things... like men with red eyes and giant cocoa wolves... His parents think Elliott must not be paying attention when he gets his hand on the remote.” Quilla grinned lightly, but I still heard the undertone of concern in her voice.

What are you going to do if they decide to stop letting Elliott babysit?”

I was aware that they didn't know she was the one actually doing the babysitting. It was all part of giant charade so she could spend time with him.

She reached out, grabbing the little boy's hand. “I don't know. I suppose, if I have to, I'll tell his parents the truth, everything. Not even Julie ordering me not to could stop me, because it's about him. He's the one thing that trumps even an alpha order – the one thing that has complete control over me. But it all would depend on what he wants and needs. If it was better for him to be away from me... to grow up as a normal human boy that has nothing more than fleeting memories of the cocoa wolf-girl... then that's what I'd do. He calls the shots, ultimately. Not his parents, not Elliott, not Jules, not even me."

Beau's Missing Necklace

The leather strap should, in theory, go through the center of the bottle cap... but I don't have any extra leather straps lying around in my house, so just use your imagination a little. 

It isn't fancy, or by most people's imagination, something of real value. But the bottle cap meant something from the very first book that Stephenie Meyer wrote. It had significance and real meaning to both Edythe and Beau as a result. 

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

A Black Decision

~Part II~

The rest of my run was quiet, minus the grumbling from Lee - who I was studiously ignoring me.

When I arrived at the Cullens house, Edythe was outside, apparently waiting for me. She was alone.

Where's Beau? I thought furiously. I had been concerned on my first trip when she'd claimed he was hunting alone - even then, it hadn't sat right with me - but I'd passed it off as paranoia on my part.

"He's not here, Jules," she said softly, she was looking at me like I was a wounded animal.

He is NOT DEAD. It was the first thing that the concern in her eyes made my mind jump to, and I wouldn't accept it. I couldn't. Not after all I'd done to make sure he was alright, that he'd be able to live and be - if not entirely happy - then at least free of the misery that her abandoning him had caused.

She visibly flinched. "No, he's not. He's just not here."

Where then? I immediately started to wonder if he was in Italy still. I contemplated if I could ask for a loan to get a plane ticket to go there. I tilted my head to the side as I stared at her, knowing she'd heard my curiosity.

Her lips twitched slightly. "That wouldn't be a loan, Jules. A loan implies you'd live long enough to actually pay it back. And one of your kind going there would be a death sentence." She paused, pinching the bridge of her nose briefly. "Besides, he came back with us, he's just not here, anymore."

THEN WHERE IS HE? I was getting really pissed off. You might not care about him the way I thought you did, but I do. If you cared, he'd BE HERE. I remembered the carefully worded letter - one made to inflict pain without saying anything that couldn't be taken back later - remembered the CD case I'd unwrapped and the pained noise from him as I'd shown it to him, and I remembered the leather necklace with the little plastic bottle cap on it that I'd picked up off the forest floor to keep safe for him - for the day she returned to him.

Edythe's eyes flashed in anger. "I love him, mongrel. And if I couldn't tell that you cared deeply for him as well, I'd throw you off of my property for your callous insinuation."

I growled loudly. She wasn't answering my question.

"I don't know where he is, exactly, but he needed time to himself to figure things out so he's gone off on his own for awhile. He'll come back eventually."

Why'd he leave? I could only think of two things that would make him flee. One of the two was in front of me, and the other... I imagined my Beau with burgundy eyes.

"Yes, you're right. On both counts."

To be continued...

A Black Decision - A Missing Moment Serial

After the last chapter but prior to the epilogue of Death and Rebirth, Julie Black, started to become friends with the Cullens. This friendship continued to develop in the two months after the epilogue but before the start of Rebirth and Affliction. A lot of stuff occurred during that almost three month time period.

After it is finished, this missing moment will be posted on FF and Ao3, but for the time being, it will be posted in short segments as a serial that is exclusively on my blog.

A Black Decision

~Part I~

My eyes flashed to the clock as I tried to wait until a reasonable hour to pay a second visit to the Cullens. It was 4:48 AM.

I didn't know where Beau was. I'd told them two days ago that I wanted to see him - that he could even tote his mate along if that was what it took to get him here. I wanted - no, I needed - to know he was alright. 

Anything could have happened to them while they were in Italy, and the fact that he hadn't been there when I'd gone to offer my white flag was truly terrifying to me. He was supposed to have been there.

Part of me was terrified that he'd done something stupid like stayed in Italy. It was so typically him. I didn't know if I'd be able to save him if that was what he'd done, but I would try anyways.  Someone had to, and it was obvious to me that his family wasn't doing it. If that was what was going on, anyways.

Of course, I couldn't be certain that was what was going on either. There was a possibility, though I couldn't see it, that now Edythe was back Beau had decided he had no desire to check on me anymore. It was possible my happiness and our friendship no longer meant anything to him. I couldn't see that as being the case though. Beau just wasn't like that. 

I sighed and looked at the clock, again. It was 4:52 AM - not even a remotely acceptable time to be going and paying a visit to someone. Or it wouldn't be if the someone was human... But they were vampires with no ability to sleep. I gave up trying to wait and opened my bedroom window, quickly climbing out.

I jogged over to the forest edge before ripping my shirt off over my head and quickly sliding out of my shorts. I knelt and quickly tied the clothes in my ankle strap before I focused on shifting to a wolf.

Lee's mental snort in my head was the first thing I heard as I raced off. 

Shut up, I snarled in annoyance, though there was no command behind my words. I wouldn't force someone to not have a mind of their own. I wouldn't.

He's with his own. You should leave him be. 

I didn't want Lee's opinions though. He's my friend, and he's a protector too. He belongs with more than just the bloodsuckers.

Lee snorted again, and I ignored him as he made some caustic mental remark I didn't care to hear.

I continued my run towards the Cullen house.

To be continued... 

The Emotional Roller Coaster Of Life Character List

For my Drabble fic, some of the characters are going to likely get confused, so this is a list of the characters, how they relate, and the ages (of most characters) as of Chapter 1, 2011 - the first chapter after the opening.

Charlie Swan and Renee Higginbotham (both deceased)
Daughters:

• Rosalie Swan - 27
• Bella Swan - 24

Harry Clearwater (deceased) and Sue Uley

Daughter:

• Leah Clearwater - 19

Billy Black and Sarah Wilde (both deceased)

Children:

• Rebecca Black - 29
• Rachel Black - 29
• Jacob Black - 23
• Seth Black - 18

Billy Black (deceased) and Sue Uley

Sons:

• Embry Black - 11
• Quil Black - 10

Charlie Swan (deceased) and Sue Uley

Daughter:

• Claire Swan - 2 

Edward Cullen Sr and Elizabeth Garfunkel (deceased)

Children:

• Edward Cullen Jr - 24
• Alice Cullen - 24

James Whitlock (deceased) and Victoria King 

Sons: 

• Garret Whitlock - 35
• Emmett Whitlock - 29

James Whitlock (deceased) and Irina Higginbotham

Son:

• Jasper Whitlock - 28

----------------------

Minor Characters:

Solomon Finau (Rebecca's husband) - 32

Paul Lahote (Rachel's fiance) - 26

Jared Cameron - 22 and Kim Print - 22

Sam Uley - 37, Emily Young - 37, and their twins Jane and Alec Uley - 4

Brady Fuller - 15

Collin Littlesea - 17

Carlisle Masen - 59 and Esme Platt - 55
Ben Cheney - 25 and Angela Weber - 25
Caius Smith - 28 and Gianna Gonzalez - 27
Austin Marks - 19
Mike Newton - 24 and Jessica Stanley 24
Marcus Voltaire - 56
Carmen Domingo - 38

Felix Virtuoso - 34

Santiago Wright - 41 

Anton Morgan - 36 

Tanya Evenson - 32

Maria Virgo - 32

Kate Tribeck - 32

Lizzie Reed - 20

Rosalie's Vibrator Demetri - owned for 11 years.

--------------------

Other characters may be added later. 

Blog Organizing

So, my blog has been up nine days now. There are a total of seven pages currently, including the home page.

My two largest pieces of works, the Life and Death Continuation and The Differences Between Fantasy and Reality, each have their own page dedicated to them. The other four pages are: The Post BD Story, Other Twilight Stories, One-Shots and Shorts, and The Archives.

On each of these pages, you can find the banners and descriptions of the stories associated with that section. They also have the links to where you can find these stories. As of this time, all stories are posted on my Fanfiction account, and many of them can also be found on at least one other site.

The first major difference for that is going to be RR, because while I have the original One-Shot on Fanfiction, the full-length story is going to be exclusively posted on Ao3 until it is complete. Once the story is finished I will post it to Fanfiction.

The Differences Between Fantasy and Reality, by comparison, is a Fanfiction exclusive and will not be posted to other sites.

The Life and Death Continuation is available on both Fanfiction and Ao3.

It's A Twin Thing and my upcoming drabble fic, The Emotional Roller Coaster of Life are still up in the air for where all they'll be posted.

Eventually I will be adding at least one other page to this blog which will be dedicated to any Original Fiction I do that will be posted on Fiction Press.

For the record, I do not intend to ever publish any of my work, be it my fanfics or my posted original fics. There are many reasons why that is, but the big one is that I write for the fun of it, and if I was to start writing for the dollar, then it would no longer be about the freedom and enjoyment I feel just by sitting down and working on something that is for me, and not some job.

Just so everyone is aware all blog posts can be commented on, they can even be anonymous. If you are posting a question or something and you are anonymous, you can leave your Fanfiction, Adult FF, Ao3, Stars, Twilighted, or ADF handle (please reference which) and I will message you a reply.

...

And I know, no sneak peek in this post. Unfortunately, there can't always be sneak peeks. I enjoy doing that when I've written enough in a chapter to warrant it, just as I enjoy posting teasers and other pieces.

I do intend to post something later today... I'm just not, as of yet, sure if it will be a sneak peek or what.

Rebirth and Affliction Sneak Peek

A teaser of Chapter 8 - Temper:

We were back on the private beach, just Jules and I. At least for the time. It was more than a week after my trip to Seattle, and Jules had been watching me like a hawk since. I knew she had questions, that she was upset that I'd just taken off like that, that she wanted to know what had been going through my mind... and part of me felt like telling her just to spit it out already, but the much larger piece of me was completely unwilling to discuss it.

We hadn't gone hunting yet and I was loath to bring it up, but I knew I was going to have to soon as my eyes were dark, dulling to a black as I approached two weeks without feeding. It made it the longest I'd gone without hunting since I initially returned from Europe. Jules seemed to trust my control more than ever, at least as far as my blood lust was concerned, but I didn't. So I'd have to go hunting soon, either with her... or on my own.

The Differences Between Fantasy and Reality Sneak Peek

A teaser if Chapter 22 - Hide-And-Seek:

When I got out of the elevator on the first floor, I headed straight to the front desk.

“I found this on the ground in the hallway of the second floor,” I told the clerk as I handed over the purse before asking to use the phone to call for a taxi.

The call was brief and I sat down by the pool as I waited the ten minutes for it to arrive, while standing near the pool. It was anything but relaxing as I half expected Alice or Jasper to appear out of thin air and stop me. Every one of the six hundred seconds was more tense than the last, but finally the taxi arrived and I dashed outside, getting in the back.

“Where to, miss?”

I gave the driver of the cab the house in Downey, closing my eyes as he pulled away from the hotel and and away from the safety that the Cullens were offering me.

RR - Chapter 1

While I am not officially going to be posting this story on FF yet, I thought I'd tease the people who want to see RR continued, and show the first chapter. Apologies for any errors, but it is completely unedited.

________________________________________________

AN: Each chapter is going to be split into two sections. The first section with the focus on the now (five year after Bella jumped, so 2011) and the other section will focus on Bella's past. Unlike most of my works, the entirety of this story will be in third person, but ultimately focuses on Bella and Alice. It is Bella/Edward, but may or may not be a hea. This starts out five days after the vision/event in the Prelude

Chapter 1 – A Different Beginning

Alice hadn't heard from Edward since he left five days prior, and as she tried desperately to garner his future, it was so jumbled and unfocused that she couldn't be certain what he was going to do. For half of a millisecond she'd see him in some hospital room, then next she'd see him standing in front of Aro, the next in front of a blazing fire – already a hazy purplish-gray from that of a vampire burning – after that she'd see him back at home, and so on. She'd seen hundreds of possible futures, all pertaining to her brother, all without Bella, and all within a matter of seconds. Then they'd all repeat. She had no way to make sense of them.

She groaned, massaging her head from the headache she was getting by just trying to grasp onto something solid.

Jasper's hands reached up and started massaging her neck, reminding her she wasn't alone. “I'll protect you from everything I can, love, even our family, but eventually you are going to have to tell them what happened.” He left out the tell me in his words, but she knew it hurt him that she was keeping what she saw to herself. But how could she explain to any of them the vision that she'd had when she didn't fully understand it herself?

True, she understood that she'd been watching a game of Russian Roulette, she wasn't unfamiliar with the practice, but what she didn't understand was the why and the how. Why had Bella, her sister, been at that table? How had she gotten there?

More than that though, Alice could not wrap her mind around the expressions Bella had made, the way her eyes had lit up when her opponent had been first given the gun, the callous look to her face when he pulled the trigger, the defiance in her eyes when she pulled the trigger herself... it had been as if Bella had been communicating with someone, but she hadn't said a word the entire match.

She sighed, “I don't know how to explain it, Jas.”

“Start with the basics, what was it about?”

She could tell that her four family members were all listening to their conversation from different spots in the house. She couldn't blame them. The way Edward had taken off like a bat out of hell.. Well, she'd be curious too if she didn't know why already. It was the most animated he'd been since he'd come back.

“It was about Bella.”

“You're not supposed to be looking into her future. You promised.” She knew Jasper wasn't referring to her promise to Edward, he was referring to her promise to him. After Edward had come back, she'd had a moment of weakness where she'd wanted to taunt him with the vision of Bella's gravestone, acting out in petty anger, but Jasper had realized what she was contemplating before she followed through with it and had made her promise to let her brother's old wounds heal.

“I wasn't looking, but that doesn't mean I don't see. And once I was in, I couldn't get out.” Not until she'd seen too much, heard too much.

“What was she doing?”

“She was at a table somewhere, I'm not sure where, and she was... I'm not sure what she was doing.”

“Yes you do. Tell me.” Jasper turned her to look at him.

“She killed herself.” The words tumbled out before Alice could stop it. She knew it was wrong to say that as she wasn't certain that Bella was dead, she hadn't been able to see Bella pull the trigger after all, but it was the only thing that made sense in her mind.

She heard Esme gasp from the study downstairs, and from the others, it was complete silence, which was telling in itself.

“What happened?” Jasper said it calmly, but Alice knew her husband and she was well familiar with the fact that it was forced.

“She was playing Russian Roulette, I didn't actually see her kill herself, as all my senses were cut off in the vision right at the end except sound, but she'd been holding the gun just before everything went black. Right after that there was a resounding bang and then I was able to yank free of the vision.”

Carlisle was at their bedroom door before Alice had finished speaking. He'd grasped almost immediately what Alice had been trying desperately to determine for the last five days. “And what does that mean of Edward?”

“I don't know, because he doesn't know. Not yet. I couldn't tell him that she was dead, that it was too late for him to save her. For now, he's searching, but once he realizes she's dead, if he ever realizes it, I am relatively sure he'll follow. I can't be sure though, because he hasn't decided to go that route, not yet. It's flickered a few times, but mostly there are just hundreds of nonsensical visions – some that make sense, others that don't.”

“We need to go find him.”

“And what do you think he'll do if we show up and he reads our thoughts? Right now, he has hope, no matter how fleeting and small. It's enough to keep him going. If we show up, he'll lose that. And then I don't need a vision to know what he'll do next.” Alice didn't add that they couldn't stop him if he really wanted to die. She suddenly had a sick understanding of what the vision of the pyre had been.

“You're telling me that there's nothing we can do?” Carlisle demanded, there was a tension in his body that she rarely saw. At times, she forgot just how much Carlisle loved Edward, but times like this reminded her that he had been Carlisle's first creation and first companion.

“Some of my visions show him coming back to us on his own. I think that maybe if we stay out of the way he might come to terms with losing her and come back, though he'll never be alright again. But if we try to force that choice on him then I assure you he's already lost.” As she said the words, Alice knew she was right. If they so much as took one step in the direction of getting involved then all would be lost.

She could hear Esme quietly sobbing downstairs, saw Jasper open his mouth to speak, and then she wasn't there anymore. Instead she was flung into a vision of Edward's very immediate future, one she'd wish for the rest of her life she could have gotten away with not seeing.

June 2006

Jake wrapped his arms around her waist. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Was Bella sure she wanted to die? No. What choice did she have though? “I won't let there be another Leah because of me.”

“You're avoiding the question, Bells. Talk to me. We can find another way.”

“Sam wants me gone, Jake.” Victoria had sent five vampires after Bella just a month and a half earlier. The werewolves had managed to kill them all, but they hadn't been prepared, and the cost had been high. Leah, who had only been a werewolf for a little over a month, had died, her body torn into pieces. Bella knew, because Sam had made her look after it was all over.

“I'll fight him on that if you want to stay.” She knew he would, which was one of the many reasons she had to go.

“And what happens when Victoria gets even more inventive and manages to kill a human, like Kristy?” Brady Fuller's little sister who had been born a mere week and a half ago was the only reason Jacob had finally agreed to let her go. After the fight that had killed Leah, Bella had received a letter in the mail, it held only one line of text:

“Come to Seattle and no one else has to die.”

It had been the fanciest cursive Bella had ever seen. She didn't need anyone to tell her who had written it. When she'd told the wolf pack about the letter, the pack had become pretty divided. Seth and Jacob had been determined she would stay, and Quil and Embry had agreed though she had seen the truth in Embry's eyes, that he actually thought she should go, but he wouldn't go against his best friend. On the other side of the table were Sam, Paul, Jared, Collin and Brady. All of them believed she should leave. None of them wanted to bury another one of their own.

Behind her, she felt Jacob shudder. She'd hit below the belt deliberately. “Then that blood would be on Victoria's head, not yours.” He held firm.

“Jake, you say that now, but we both know that if she killed your imprint then you'd blame me. You'd probably kill me yourself. I won't let you lose your reason for being just because I'm stubbornly clinging to the only family I truly have left.” She didn't bother to say she'd already lost hers.

That March, after she'd jumped for the first time from the cliff she was standing on now, she'd tried to make it work with Jake. They'd kissed a few times, went on a couple dates, but at the end of the day when she went to bed at night, it left her feeling worse than it had before. It was as if she was betraying her very soul. When she'd explained it to Jake, he'd understood, and helped her to understand better than she had before.

He'd explained to her how wolves imprinted, and also explained to her the legends that talked about vampire mates. He suspected that even though she was just human, somehow she'd formed the mate bond with him.

After that they went back to being just friends, and Bella explained to Jake about the voice she heard. He once again had understood and ultimately helped her chase them by being with her every time she jumped off the cliff.

Still, until he saw Kristy for the first time he hadn't understood her desire to leave. In fact, he had been adamantly against it.

“I wouldn't do that.” Jake sounded horrified by her words.

“You may not think you would now, but if something like that happened...” Bella didn't finish her sentence. She didn't need to, she knew Jake would get it.

“I don't like it, Bella. There has to be a better way than this.”

“She sent five last time, next time she might send twenty. You guys wouldn't survive, and I can't bear it if yet another dies because of me.” She closed her eyes, remembering the sight of one of Leah's light gray hind legs in a bush, the other thirty feet away, blood everywhere. “Victoria wants me dead in the worst way possible. I need to go, before more of you get hurt.”

Jacob sighed. “I don't like it.”

“You don't have to, just be sure and protect my dad after I'm gone. More than likely he'll never hear I died, because she'll destroy the evidence of my death afterwards. You need to make sure it stays that way. It's bad enough that I'm going to emotionally ruin him.”

Jacob shuddered violently. “Don't say stuff like that. You'll make it through this. I have to believe that.”

“Jake...” She said the word indulgently, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “Come on, jump with me. One last time. For me.” She pulled away from him.

She heard him pull his shirt off and proceeded to yank off her own. She took two steps back and then raced forward, flinging herself off the cliff. She didn't hear his voice doing this anymore, but it was at least a way for her to forget everything, at least for the two point three seconds it took her to hit the water.

She righted herself in the water and kicked up to the surface just as Jacob splashed down ten feet to her left. The small riptide caused from his mass displacing the water sent her reeling under the surface again. She once again kicked to the top.

Jacob surfaced beside her a moment later. “Did you hear him this time?”

It was an intimate question, one that felt more invasive now that he'd imprinted than it had before. “No.”

“Maybe you're finally moving on.” He said it softly, hopefully. She knew that even though he'd understood what was going on with her better than she herself had, he thought it was unhealthy. She knew he believed that it couldn't be healthy for a human to have such a strong bond with an immortal being

“I'm not, the gaping hole in my chest is an ever reminder of my loss. I don't think it's possible for me to move on. Do wolves that lose their imprints ever move on?” It was only comparison she had that she could give Jake.

“No.” He growled, not an actual growl, but a human imitation of one. “I wish he was still here. I'd kick his ass for leaving you like this – half-dead and eternally chasing a memory.”

She shrugged. “It's not his fault that the mate thing was apparently one-sided.” She started swimming to shore.

She could practically hear Jacob biting his tongue as he swam behind her and normally she would tell him to spit it out, but she honestly didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear him. She knew her decision rubbed him the wrong way. She knew he disagreed, but he didn't understand, it was horrifying enough to have the blood of one on her hands. And it didn't matter what Jake said, Leah's death rested solely at her feet and she knew it.

When they got to shore, he walked with her to her bike. “Are you sure?” He asked again as they arrived at her bike and she pulled on the leather jacket he'd bought her as a graduation present.

She knew, he'd ask it every fifteen seconds if he thought he could get her to say no just once. She knew that him seeing one moment of indecision would be all that it would take, and then she'd never leave. “Yes I am,” she said resolutely.

“Please. Stay.”

She closed her eyes against the pain that his plea caused her. She knew he understood better than before why she had to leave, but he was stubborn and resisting. “I'm sorry Jake, I can't.” She stood up on the tips of her toes and kissed him chastely one last time before she got on her bike.

She started it up and took off, heading home, also for her final time.